I cry right now because of the kindness of strangers. Our hotel maid. The waiters in the restaurant asking me about Andy. The waiter bringing me a coke, not because I asked for it but because he knows I will take it to Andy when I'm finished with breakfast. Like they know of our situation and the loneliness i feel.
My tears are real as I sit here in the hotel restaurant. I see God only through people. Not in the journey of Andy's health and medical care but rather in the community of souls here on earth. It's like God is saying. "I am with you. I'm not giving you answers in the direction of this illness but rather I'm showing you my face, my care, my concern, my hand to hold. I'm showing you this through my people."
This is not even what I was going to write to you. But it's what is on my heart right now. And I want to write. I want to write these struggles down. I want to tell you these things because I can't tell Andy. I should tell Andy but he isn't here. He's sleeping.
I have learned that I am a basket case without him. I thought I was a basket case because I'm not getting what my fragileness wants. Or because I'm not getting some of my needs met. But no. I'm a basket case without HIM, Andy. He is the one who grounds me, who makes me sane. Who makes me who I am. The strong soulful creative person that I am.
I just wanted someone to know this. To hear this writing and these thoughts. I wanted there to be a recipient of this letter.
Thank you for being here. Whether through facebook, a letter, a text or in person, I feel your love and your support. Thank you for being involved in this journey. I really don't know if I could do this without you. It's so nice to know you are here.